Saturday, January 15

While I'm in the mood... talk abt weddings and partnerships..
I was wondering, about the whole arranged and love marriage thing.

Friends here is Australia used to ask me, "Are you promised to some one?!!" And I would go into explaining how India has changed and thats not what happens any more!

My mom had this hour session with me and didi before we had come to Oz. She had said that we are sensible gals and that in the course of our studies we'll make lots of friends (ofcourse!) and they'll be boys and girls (yaa!). And if we end up liking sumone, then we should take the opportunity of those years of study, to know the person and at the end of the term, if, we still think, "Yeah! I like that guy", then let mom know. She will break the news to dad and he will take care of the rest.
(Man!!!! I was like :O ) Mom!!!! :O

Then she went on to explain...ofcourse he cant be Christian, or Muslim, or someone with lots of 'Aib' (bad habits e.g. drinking, smoking..preferable non-veggie!!) And beta..see so many choices are still there!
Yeah..! Right!!!! :D

Didi had a love marriage. Brahmin Hyderabadi guy. Very very sweet, very very caring n loving. Wonder if she would have found him if she had never left Kanpur. Now they live happily ever after in Kentucky with little Shriyaan. (Dekho mai maasi ban gayi socho mai massi ban gayi...ok ok..u got the drift!)

Then you hear about others like....
Jeffrey's best friend Bunty in Ludhiana called a month ago. Said, 'Mate, day after tomorrow is my wedding!!"
"You kidding right?!"
"No man...I came to know last night!!"
"You came to last night that day after tomorrow is your wedding?!! You mean they printed it on a "shaadi ka card" and gave you and said...'Come, its your wedding!' ??!!!!"

Turned out that a family came from Canada. They liked the guy and proposed for wedding with their daughter on the same week. Then they returned the day after to commence paper work for the boy's migration!! Talk abt ...hurry!!!!!

I cant say which one is the best. As there are hundreds of examples where love marriages fail and other where arranged ones go on for years - happily!

So... I leave it upto you. What do you think? Love OR Arranged?


Surinder said...

hmmm .. i dont know if i can comment on love or arranged .. cos me still not married (and not in love too :) ):D .. but i have a good thing at home .. if i dont find one my self .. they will arrange a love marriage for me .. (hope u got what i mean to say) .. and i think i'm pretty ok with it :D

Ricky said...

Hi Nupur,

I guess it depends upon indiavidual situations but here's a fact: 50% of love marriages end in divorce compared to 90% arranged but does it mean arranged is good. How can we know if all the 90% are as happy as 50% of love marriage ones.

I guess the new trend in India is "Love-cum-Arranged" marriage where you try to fall in love with someone who will be acceptable to your parents. This is not an Indian phenomena rather a New-York-Jew phenomena. Actally a lot of Jews were marrying with Christians so a rabbi in New York came upon a speed-dating idea where all the people will be Jews, that's how speed-dating started. So, apparently we Indians are not alone...he he...:))

You will be surprised to know that 0% French-Canadians have arranged marriage again from the fear that they don't marry English-Canadians. And from my presonal expereince three of my cousin-sisters had "Love-cum-Arranged" and they are very happy even though they have regular problems like any marriages.


Ricky said...

Oops in last para I meant 20% French-Canadians not 0%...he he...:))

Nupur said...

@Surinder: Wah! Tumhara to mamla fit! :D
Achha hai... all the best to you. So Surinder... when are u telling the family to fix ur 'louv marriage'?!

@Ricky: Oh! Cool statistics.. 'Love cum arranged'... thats the best of both the world's. And you are right.. many boys/girls do consider their family's traditions and choices nowadays and make decision that makes everyone happy. And then there are other rebellious ones!
I just think...these things are made in heaven! (typical of me! I know!!) And so... kaise bhi karke you end up with that one... or atleast get the opportunity to.. upto to u if u take it or not!

What say??

Ricky said...

Ok, I agree with ya but I think if you think that way then our whole life depends upon our fate. Kyunki jo hona hai that happens anyways. By the way is yours an arranged or love marriage?

Anonymous said...

My Mas been bugging me to go and fall for someone ! I told her I dont have the time so please to do the needful.

I wonder what this is called ya arranged?
Cynic in Wonderland

Nupur said...

@Ricky: My to is love which my mom will arange for me! :D
So...what do the stats say now?

@Cynic: That we have come to conclude will be termed as the arranged-n-love. Coz I'm assuming you wish to fall in love later..!! ;)

Anonymous said...

Futile argument this... the grass will always be greener on the other side of the sceptic tank...:D


Ricky said...

Hey Nupur,

The STATS say that you will be very happy in life and marriage...:))...Also, my blog is updated and it will for sure take you back in time..;)


Surinder said...

:)) .. well first its time for me to explore :D .. only when nothing come out of this .. i'll go and say ok ur turn now :)) .. and i better do somethin sooon .. !!

shub said...

hmmmm....the argument really depends on the individuals to make or break a wedding, ultimately, ainit?
tera kya hoga nupur? ;o)

manuscrypts said...

or arranged luv, like mine.. i arranged my own love marriage ...hehe

Vishnu said...

Maybemake it a arranged marriage.And then fall in love with the guy/girl whom you are supposed to marry!!!

There is a tamil movie called 'Dum Dum'.A different type of story.An arranged marriage was proposed between the guy and the girl.But both of them dont want to marry right now.They purposefully create a rift between the families and the marriage is dropped.

Months later,the boy and the girl happen to meet each other in a city,where they are working.And ofcourse,NOW,they fall in love.But the parents wont agree NOW.But they marry.

NOW,tell me:was this an ARRANGED marriage or a LOVE marriage?

Anonymous said...

Hi Nupur,

Interesting discussion here. Yet one without any definite answers. In my opinion, love marriages have just two flaws - lot of expectation and out of touch with reality before the marriage. Naturally after marriage, once you get out of the infatuation stage, it depends on the individual on how he or she is willing to take things from there. No marriage can last without adjustments from both sides.

Coming to arranged marriages, I find them very contrived to say the least. But they are a viable alternative, if you are busy otherwise to find a partner. Atleast that is one way of ensuring that old age is not totally lonely and sad!!

Ultimately it depends on you. Irrespective of the choices you make, take life with an open mind and be happy!!

Quite a long comment for a first one :))


shodZ said...

cummon ppl have a heart. its gotta be luv.

Nupur said...

@BraveCoward: True...but which side are you on?!

@Ricky: Oh! Good... how did u calculate that tho'? Saw moi future?

@Surinder: Hor ki! Chhetti karo hum tussi! :D

Nupur said...

@Surinder: *hun tussi! (See...cant speak punjabi and cant write punjabi!!!)

@Shub: Tum hi batao! Kyunki I dunno myself ki mera kya hoga re kaliya!

@Manu: Ho! Didn't even tell us when u got married. No fair!! Where r the snaps??

Nupur said...

@Vishnu: Nice story... wish it would work out like that for all in real life!
But why did the family have problems later??! They cant make up their mind?

I will call that 'louv marriage'!! :)

@Jahnvi: Very interesting observation that. Couldn't have said it better myself!
Yes... so what do u have in mind for urself?

@Shodz: Thats called confidence! Good on u mate! :D

manuscrypts said...

lol...didnt know u when i got married.. had just started blogging, april of 2003.. :)

Nupur said...

Hey Manu... achha ok. Atleast show us your snaps now!